Morning, June 27

(e-mail from B. Parady)

Overnight Sabina had two BMs, even though she has not been fed for days. It would seem that she is very stopped up from meds. They are doing a GI series this morning as I type. The docs have a peculiar way of testing and testing and then saying, "can't see anything". We shall see. Vitals are fine.

Time to press the limits of my spirit, and extend hope where there is none. I have complete faith in God and where He is guiding me. Whether He heals Sabina on this earth or heaven is His to work. I fight despondency, and frustration. Most of all we fight the idea that we are putting Sabina through a process that will not lead anywhere in terms of a meaningful recovery.

Sabina is struggling for life, not having taken food for 4 days. We question the ability of anyone to recover from Sabina's injury to any meaningful level. So far, Shelly has only seen fractional recoveries from similar injuries, and parents who are despondent over finding a way forward for their loved ones. Given the robustness of Sabina's life to this point makes it difficult to see a point in taking her to some minimal recovery.

These are the times of enduring hardship. The quote for today is from Romans 8:5-6, "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what nature desires; but those who in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of the sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace."

My prayers for Sabina and God's healing, on earth or heaven, and for Shelly's comfort.

Evening, June 26

(e-mail from B. Parady)

Waiting to go to Helen Hayes.

Sabina's condition is quite stable and she is almost weaned off the respirator. She is having digestive problems and has not gotten nutrition in three days. They are planning to do a full GI tomorrow.

In my view she is able to track better than ever. Her eyes move from side to side though they seem largely stuck to the right. They do move and now dart. She seems to have lost her facial expressiveness. I cannot tell if we are losing or gaining.

My prayers are for Sabina to be able to gain enough of a recovery to be meaningful, and for her mother to find strength.

Evening, June 25

(e-mail from B. Parady)

Kind of hard to explain the day and its goings on, so I won't.

Sabina had a storm last night, caught very quickly. First storm in 4 days. She was stabilized during the day. She has had no food in two days and cannot pass anything from her stomach.

The word from Mayer is that he wants to try aggressive rehab at Helen Hayes for a while and if that does not work he will bring her back for further examination. Bottom line the procedure that he proposed, he backed away from, saying that there is progress shown in successive CAT scans, so slow is better and will track progress at HHH. If it does not improve, we are back to
square one, and Columbia.

My prayers are for Sabina to make continued progress, and for Shelly who has to take on a herculian task for 2 months at Helen Hayes.

Evening, June 24

(e-mail from B. Parady)

Stable day. Heart rate 105+, temp 100+. Fourth day no storms. Eyes open, no tracking. Lots of mouth motion and some yawning.

Talked to Mayer, and he showed us the CAT scans, and suggested a procedure that he seems to have sort of a patent on, a sump shunt because of the expanded ventricle. Something to consider.

My prayers are for Sabina to get God's healing and comfort.

Evening, June 23

(e-mail from B. Parady)

No real change in her condition. Temperature at 100.9 almost all day. Pulse 100+. She stays in ICU as long as she fevers. They are working to wean her off the respirator and she is breathing deeply to compensate for her dependency.

Her neurological condition is unchanged. She stares and does not respond. We spend the days talking to her and reading to her.

Our prayers continue for God's healing of Sabina.

Evening, June 22

(e-mail from B. Parady)

Another day with no storms. The meds have not changed. The nurse says maybe the storms are over. Let's hope and pray for her comfort. Sabina had a slight fever all day, between 100 to 100.8, and pulse was between 100 and 120. She has new braces for her feet and hands that seem to be uncurling her. She does not seem as reactive to touch nor to manipulation as in the past. She is much less reactive at the brainstem level, which is a good thing.

She opened her eyes again for long periods. It is a stare or glare, but not focused or coordinated. She is still not tracking noticeably, not a good neurological sign. She may have smiled once, brought cheer to me, though it may be ephemeral.

At this point we are not encouraged that there will be a meaningful recovery. We are awaiting the return of Dr Mayer to have his review of Sabina's prognosis. He was the most optimistic of all of them here, and he is the chief after all. We seek some ray of reasonable hope that she is neurologically alive.

For those interested, here are some references on her current condition:

(1) http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/503854
(2) http://www.mayoclinicproceedings.com/inside.asp?AID=986&UID=
(3) http://books.google.com/books?id=M3ynlxvhv9EC&pg=PA57&lpg=PA57&dq=%22meaningful+recovery%22+coma&source=web&ots=rngkwGowfD&sig=7rRHl318zVfbdhVPrjrggo39xB0
(4) http://www.sptimes.com/2004/06/27/Floridian/From_tragedy__beauty.shtml

Sabina had visitors from her local church group in New York.

We continue to pray for Sabina's healing from the Lord. My thanks to all of you for your prayer and support.

Evening, June 21

(e-mail from B. Parady)

Basically a day without storms nor tendency to storming. Sabina would open her eyes wide and seem to be attentive though not track for the most part. I thought that I caught her smiling at one point. I spent a lot of time with her face to face. Her heart rate was around 120 with a 100+ temperature. Both tapered toward the end of the day. She is on a 40 ml/hr feed of 2cal/ml, so things stabilized after last night's CAT scan which for all the fuss was totally negative. The installed her brand new splints to combat the curling of her feet and arms.

Basically a stable day. The hope has been for some neurological progress which there has not been anything significant for a while. The picture painted by the doctors for a recovery is not a good one, being poor.

The word is that transfer to Helen Hayes is imminent, but date is unknown. We do not remain optimistic that rehab at Helen Hayes will be very productive.

At this point it is hope against hope. Our prayers are for Sabina to stay healthy, build strength and improve her interaction with her surroundings.

Evening, June 20

(e-mail from B. Parady)

Not such a great day for Sabina. Had a couple of storms. At times felt like she might be responding to me. The later storm seemed to be harking back to when we could not stop them. Her abdominal CAT scan was clear, with no issues so she is being fed again.

We discussed Sabina's prognosis again. She is tentatively scheduled to go back to Helen Hayes this Friday or Monday if they get her stable.

Shelly and I visited the Brady Institute, a facility for TBI that we felt was barely adequate. It was quite distressing to see them warehouse patients that could not be rehabbed by letting them sit in the hallway to give them more stimulation so to speak. The whole area of coma stimulation is kind of difficult to deal with, and has uncertain outcomes. We were given a very slim percentage for a meaningful recovery for Sabina by the NYP doctors.

I personally am not sure how long this all can be kept up, in managing Sabina's storms. As I said earlier, this may be impossible to unwind the heavy narcotics, and the storms in turn, may get a lot worse if the narcotics cannot be tapered. The doctor said it would take over 6 months to remove all the narcotics.

I am praying for Sabina, and for whatever healing the Lord has in store for her.

Evening, June 19

(e-mail from B. Parady)

This was an uneventful day. No storms all day long. Not much activity either, opened her eyes for a long period.

We had a neuropsychologist from the Brady Institute at Jamaica hospital in Queens visit to evaluate possibilities for recovery using coma stimulation. He and his assistant spent over half an hour with Sabina. Sabina did have three small storms last night but as I said nothing in the day.

She is currently being prepared for a cat scan of her abdomen to find out what the source of obstruction is so that she can start to feed. They are going to give her contrast media since she vomited bile last night. Rehab came by and is adjusting her splints to try to get her limbs in shape.

So my prayer is for Sabina's recovery to a functioning, active life.

Quote from the Back Flap of a Letter 6.28.04

"A possibility was born the day you were born, and it will live as long as you live."

                ~ R. Burak

I posted this quote, which I think is relevant in context of Mr. Parady's last update. But let us continue to pray wholeheartedly that she be returned to us fully so she may realize every possibility she can ever dream of.

Evening, June 18

(e-mail from B. Parady)

Another evening on the long course. Sabina had a day without storming and had a little storm late today, not much of one really. She did vomit, but had a lot of stuff in her stomach. Shelly started crying and bawling when that happened. Talked to the nurse and it is not much of a big deal.

I saw Sabina today and she cried a bit as we talked. There is a there there. It will take time to bring back what resources are there and we must be patient.

I talked to her surgeon, Dr. Sander Connolly and he is encouraged to see her improvement. Apparently they dialed up her shunt and things got a bit better over the last couple of days. He did acknowledge the fact that Sabina had been in narcotics withdrawal which is the other dimension to the storms.

So I pray for Sabina's continued good care and improvement. I pray for her mother to show her mother's love of the new Sabina, whatever she may be.

I talked to Sabina's pastor in California and we belong to a strongly pro-life church where she was baptized. His view is that to support life at all levels, you need to be with people at all stages of life no matter what their condition or prospect. He assured me of the strong support of the church members through her life, whatever it will be as long as it is in reach of the church.

I offer my prayer to all those in nursing homes who are alone and without friends and relatives. You may want to look to yourself and ask as I am doing: What are you doing for those alone and isolated? That is a concrete way to show your love for Sabina.

Prayer from a Friend

(e-mail from Philip Wilson)

Dearest Paradi Family,

My name is Philip Wilson and I was a resident at Westminster House along with Sabina at UC Berkeley. In that time I was able to get to know her from a distance, and her sweet disposition was evident to all around her. Her gentleness shone like a diamond in dazzling sunlight, and her words always carried a kindness and dignity that I truly admired.

My prayers are with you in this difficult time, dearest brothers and sisters in Christ. I believe in miracles, and know that our Mighty Heavenly Father is watching over Sabina and caring for her. I am thrilled to read reports that Sabina is on the road (albeit a bumpy one) to recovery.

Dear Jesus, Divine Physician and Healer of the Sick, we turn to You in this time of illness. O dearest comforter of the troubled, alleviate our worry and sorrow with Your gentle love, and grant us the grace and strength to accept this burden.

Dear God, we place our worries in Your hands. We place dear Sabina under Your care and humbly ask that You restore Your servant to health again.

Above all, grant us the grace to acknowledge You and to know that whatsoever You do, You do for the love of us.

Amen.

I pray the grace of our Lord Jesus and the Fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you. I and my family send you our love and our promise to keep you in our prayers.


With love,

Philip Wilson

From the Front of a Card Dated 5.21.05

To know someone
with whom you can feel
there is understanding
in spite of distances
or thoughts unexpressed...

                                       That can make
                                 this life a garden.

                    - Goethe

Evening, June 17

(e-mail from B. Parady)

This was the best day in a long time in terms of Sabina's storms. We only had one during the day, a mild one, and there were some short ones at night. She had all afternoon of wakefulness, with no tracking, but with some expressiveness.

We are still battling a poor prognosis based on the lack of reaction at this time in her recovery. More review is being undertaken. The storms should start to taper off in the next month.

My prayers are for Sabina to have a recovery that brings happiness and vitality to her life again.

Evening, June 16

(e-mail from B. Parady)

As far as Sabina's condition goes today, my view is that she had a pretty good day, and would call it improving. Shelly might disagree, calling some active periods storming, whereas I would not.

Basically the day started with getting more of her fentanyl and being taken off the respirator from last night to 3pm today when she stormed and had to be put back. There are two views of the respirator and storming relationship, one is that she got tired off the respirator and needed to be back on, the other is that storming made her tired and needed to be put back on. She stormed a couple of times for brief periods and the staff was quickly on it.

We are in a bit of a vicious cycle. The more we try to cut back on sedation, the more storming and the more sedation. We have a tricky titration here. Sabina's attentiveness was very good in my mind, but Shelly called some of it storming. Clearly we are heading into a difficult period. Shelly feels that we need to end Sabina's suffering. I still harbor a divergent view.

My prayers are for Sabina to take hold of her recovery, and for strength for Shelly to support Sabina's fight for life.